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April 29 sunny day今天这里的温度已经有28度左右了,早上出门的时候迎来了一阵暖风,好象有一种夏天的味道.明媚的阳光下,自己轻轻的闭起眼睛,定在原地,做了一次深呼吸,想让自己跟着这暖暖的感觉一起飞翔. 走在去单位的路上,看着马路上的车来车往,看着人群与自己擦肩而过,忽然有一种莫名的感伤...许是因为那心中久久不忘的情怀吗?许是因为那曾经难以割舍的情愫吗?我说不上来,也不知道该怎样来说. April 13 It brings me backTime flies always, there is not much time for people to hesitate before it passes by. When I typed this sentence on the screen, I'm listening to that song given by a friend when I was abroad. And right now when I'm listening to this, it brings me back to that period, again.
I don't really know how to describe the feeling I've been through these days, kinda difficult to speak out, anyway, it's just a feeling, people will say, just let it go, like anything else, cause there are so many things running away from our life. I want to! Really, I want to forget all about those things and people came across in my head, but how?
This is not the first time that I told myself to forget him, everything about him...but I'm sorry to say that I haven't achieved the goal so far. I thought I could get him away from my memory and throw him outside somewhere, anywhere. But yesterday when I saw his name online and with another name accompanied, I felt there was an attrack into my heart suddenly. I hate that feeling, to be honest, I hate all he did bad to me, even though he actually gave me lots of joyful time as well.
The first day we met, the first joke he made, the great time we've been together, the things we've been through... maybe all of these seem to be just a play for him, but to me, they are wonderful memories in my mind, which might be the reason why I hate to think about him, cause he hurts me at the end.
I told myself that we were over, but I couldn't remember when we started. The music is still going on, his song... Sometimes, I just wish that he could think of me in his life, even though I do know that there are so many girls around him that he can hardly remember me. All I hope is to be the most special one for him throughout all people he ever met. so I followed him joging here and there, stay silently beside him seeing his behaviors with other people, being a good friend to support him whatever he does... I thought he could think me the same way, but I was wrong, and absolutely wrong. What do I get? Ignoring...
I'm wondering why I seem still care... Actually it doesn't matter where he goes and who he's been with now. It has nothing to do with me, or I should say never get something to do with me, in his mind. Sigh~ Everything, every feeling become the past, it's no need to deny nor to hold on. Let it go... April 05 随笔:化作一缕香(20070405) 幽幽的岁月中,
能够真正触碰到我们内心世界的, 又会有几人呢? 曾经很想作一个守望麦田的草人,一动不动,安静的呆在一个地方,任凭风儿吹着我的衣襟,任凭鸟儿落在我的肩膀.而我,只是那样呆在那个地方,也许仅仅是守望,又或许,偶尔会有一丝的期盼,期盼着某一天的某一个时间,会有某一个人经过我的身旁,和我对望. 曾经很想作一条游荡在水的小鱼,自由自在,游荡在每一个有水的地方,任凭浪花将我托出海面飞翔,任凭暗涌将我沉入黑暗的海洋.而我,只是那样的自由的穿行,也许仅仅是游荡,又或许,偶尔会游如一片舒适的水域,被温柔的水包围着,呵护着,不再流泪,因为我在水中. 只是,这所有的仅仅是一些假想,因为我知道,我还有未完成的旅程,在这条路上,也要安心的走.总以为自己可以体会到很多感受,甚至是可以替代成任何感觉的人,可是今天,当真的想这样做的时候,却发现根本做不到,因为没有那样切肤的失去过,伤痛过.闭上眼睛,幻想着可能的感受,想从那一点一滴中,探寻到某一个缺口,打开,进入,可是,失败了. 忘记了写了多少字,但还是狠心的删掉了,当文档的页面再次呈现出一片雪白的时候,我知道,有些记忆也许也是可以这样重新变成空白… 找了几首老歌在电脑里放,静心听,在寻找曾经的感受同时,又有了一种新的味道,或许这就是子曰的 “温故而知新”吧. 无意中看到了这样的一句话: “是否我消失了,你才会知道我的存在…” 日夜相伴的人,会不会成为一种习惯?
日夜相伴的心,会不会成为一种习惯? “习惯”,一个曾经被很多人提起的词语,尤其是在提到爱情的时候.我不知道是不是所有人都会意识到这样的说法,或是赞同这样的解释,但我却深深的记得, “爱,不管是以什么方式开始的,到了最后,都会变成一种习惯.” 你爱我吗?是因为爱我,才养成一种习惯?还是因为已经习惯了我,然后才爱上? 脑海里不断闪烁着一个又一个问题,一个又一个没有答案,甚至是找不到答案的问题.倦了的时候,来找我吗?累了的时候,来找我吗?伤了的时候,来找我吗?或许,我们能做的,除了珍惜,没有其他. 思绪的结系了又解,解了又系,反复得让人觉得有些疲惫,只是内心中那不安分的精灵,总在扰乱着常规.有些乱,一直乱,总会乱… 乱了的文字,释放在胸口,承载着关于你的故事,承载着关于我的往昔,不知道什么时候才会真的融合,化作音符,演绎在萧条的时空里. 一颗心,因为有爱,才珍贵.
这颗心,因为爱你,才无悔. 有人说,当女人看到男人,多是想着 “现在”和 “将来”,而当男人看到女人,则多是想着 “过去”.不确定这到底是不是真的,又有多少比例的人真会这样做.只是当曾经的梦随风而去之后,多少爱还会弥留在空气中? 想化作一缕香… 一缕怀抱你的香,一缕萦绕你的香,一缕亲吻你的香; 一缕牵挂你的香,一缕温暖你的香,一缕深爱你的香. 也许,化作一缕浓郁的香,顷刻间抓住你的感触,去掉周围所有的污染,只拥你在满屋的浓香之中,卸去逃跑的欲望,驱逐退却的思想,让你深深的记住这缕香,不论是天涯还是海角,都在咫尺间演变成刻骨铭心的味道.只因有你,只因是我. 也许,化作一缕淡雅的香,并不会引起你过多的注意,但我依然会紧紧的围住你,隔离开喧嚣的空气,隔离开繁杂的情绪,让心灵在寂静中,默默的感受着那份淡然的美丽.最终,成为你身体的一部分,成为你灵魂的一部分,成为你生活的一部分,成为你生命的一部分…  April 02 随笔:乱(20070401)一晃的时间里,日期上滑过了三月,
已是四月初上眉头.
点滴间让人觉得有一种眩晕似的慌乱!
曾经有过多少次盼望,
曾经有过多少次设想,
却在淡淡的言语中退却了最初的光焰.
点燃一个个愿望之火,
却又将火焰熄灭在无声之中.
这是规律吗?
我不仅轻声的问,
然而又无处探询答案.
走走停停,赏花望月,
黑夜里饮食一地冰冷;
听听谈谈,把酒吟诗,
月华间浸染满心孤寂.
多少期待化作晨露,
滴在思念的花瓣之上,
徘徊,迷惘,惆怅.
想伸手去触摸你的容颜,
却迷失在你的眉宇之间,
静静的凝望那美丽的双眸,
繁华处寻觅幽静的角落,
不忍将过往的记忆埋藏.
携带着你的思想,
指引着我的方向,
何年何月,
才能亲吻到彼此的脸庞?
纷扰的时光,渊源流长;
单纯的情绪,展翅飞翔;
零乱的脚步,延续成行;
隐秘的爱情,润色滋长.
从来不想为难,
从来不曾为难,
但又是否真的懂得?
犹豫,不安,惊惶.
想望见你的眸子,
探索里面闪烁的海洋;
想聆听你的呼吸,
感受传递甜蜜的起伏;
想亲吻你的嘴唇,
寻找彼此相爱的温暖;
想依偎在你怀中,
想与你十指相扣,
感染你的心跳,
感染你的力量.
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